(and even enjoying it too!)
These top tips were learned, more often than not, the hard way and through experience over many years. As a specialist teacher and parent, experience is plentiful but that’s my experience and I don’t suppose to know your own situation. I do hope though, that you can take something from this, that might make your Christmas go a little more smoothly and even prove to be enjoyable.
Top Tip: Don’t succumb to social and media myths of a perfect Christmas.
We all know what the stereotypical perfect Christmas looks like.
It’s busy shopping centres full of bright lights, music (that song you hate because of a particular pitch, word or tone) displays of animated woodland animals in a snow filled scene (that you must look at and not touch); long queues to talk to, and possibly be hugged by, an old man whose face you can’t see properly, in strange red clothes who asks if you’ve been good this year (when you know you’ve tried but can’t always manage it the way others would like you to, which makes you feel bad already without the old man making a thing of it too! ) who asks you what you want for Christmas (even though choices are hard and so is anticipation and so is the unknown). The shops are crowded, people bump into each other and shelves are full of tempting toys, sweets and chocolates that you can’t have, at least not now, but maybe that strange man in the red clothes will bring them, when he comes down your chimney whilst you are sleeping (as if you weren’t haunted by night terrors, insomnia and bad dreams already!)
It’s about decorations in your house that change the visual layout of your safest place. One is so shiny and you can see your reflection in it (so much so, that you become fixated by it).
It’s visitors coming and going. People you love but who are excitable and seem to want to kiss and hug more than any other time of the year (they like to hug and don’t have a clue that you hate to be hugged except when you want to be!)
It’s visiting other people and being around lots of people who don’t know you so well, including other children (but you don’t know how to join in their games and get overstimulated by the play and interaction). There’s lots of noise and the adults seem especially jolly and loud, louder than usual and a bit sillier (they make your ears physically hurt and something is different about them since they they had that fizzy drink).
It’s parties, school plays (with days of rehearsals instead of the usual timetable and slightly stressed teachers, wearing bright Christmas jumpers instead of black, brown and beige) and then its presents, lots of presents, lots of unexpected new toys (You like toys, but you don’t like surprises), You get the toy you were eagerly anticipating although it doesn’t work or look the same as in the adverts on TV (because you don’t understand that adverts are misleading, you believe what you see and don’t read between the lines) so it must be broken (so you become more and more heightened and anxious as it doesn;t do what you thought it would, until you have a meltdown.)
And it all goes on for weeks!
Perfect, if that’s what you like but…my experience has taught me that I can’t have all this, or at least, I could, but it wouldn’t be fun for me or my child. If I tried to have it all, it certainly wouldn’t look like it does in the movies! Ask yourself what is important to you at Christmas rather than what other people say it should be. For me it has to be:
Tip 2: Shop online or take a day to yourself (if you can) to do shopping. I used to do bits in my lunchtimes for a few months leading up to the big day, when I worked in central London, but that was before the days of online shopping.
Tip 3:Consider which invitations you want to accept. Give information beforehand to your child on what day, what times you are going and leaving, who will be there. However don’t tell them any sooner than necessary, if a long lead up of anticipation will be too much for them. Ensure you have a quiet space to go to with your child, planned in advance, in case of a meltdown. An advance plan, will help you to stay calm and in control and minimise the inevitable feelings of embarrassment (which you shouldn’t have to feel but you’re human). Don’t try to accept every invitation and don’t go if you know it will be too much for your child as it will just make you miserable (that is not what a perfect Christmas is about).
Tip 4: Consider which visitors you will invite to you. Will they come in small household groups on separate days? This worked for us. We always avoided Christmas Day visitors altogether, except a grandparent or two for a short period, quick visits were fine if kept low key. Actually we didn’t always avoid these, instead we learned the hard way, on all three occasions in our time together, each was a complete disaster of continuous meltdown; whereas, no dinner or full day guests has always equaled calm and peace! (That’s what a perfect Christmas should be about- for me anyway).
Tip 5: Make sure you have batteries and even more, make sure you know how any new toys work (that one is so you can make it look as good as in the adverts and prove it is not broken). That’s all I’m going to say on that one, the trauma is too deep!
Tip 6: Keep as much of your child’s routine as possible. That applies to favourite food, get up times (probably unlikely) naps and bedtimes. Invariably for the first few years, nap time fell just as we would sit down for our perfect Christmas dinner, set up lovingly for our screaming child who really wasn’t going to appreciate it.
Tip 7: If you don’t want something to become a rule (set in stone forever) or routine, be very careful about not doing the same thing two years in a row or at the same time. So if you decide one year that you will trawl the streets of your town, finding all the best lit houses, then find yourself doing it again the next year, you had better just accept that it’s now a fixed family tradition; however if by some unlucky chance, you happen to do it two years on the same day, and time of day, that bit will be fixed too. (Such traditions can become a chore rather than a treat) You’ve been warned!
Tip 8: You decide how much magic and excitement you want at Christmas. Stay in control of your own Christmas. If your child loves a bit of fantasy and can cope with it, then do it; if it makes then agitated, cut that bit out of Christmas for them as best you can. If they can cope with piles of presents all at once, then that’s great; but if they can’t, explain to family that your child will receive their gifts over a longer period of time.
Tip 9: Be flexible. Sometimes you will have to change plans, cancel visits and rearrange the day’s events to respond to your child’s needs. It’s not easy when you have more than one child and the other has different needs. Explain to siblings as best you can, try to find another way they can do the activity if possible, if you are a couple, maybe with just one of you or with a grandparent or favourite auntie or uncle. This is not easy, believe me, I know; Christmas is a time when you want to share the joy with all your children.
Tip 10: Be kind to yourself. You are doing your best, you are human; whatever you decide to do for your family at Christmas, is what you know is best for them. You decide what perfect is.
