It only dawned on me in late 2020 that the problem I had with faces, might have a name, it does – Prosopagnosia. This was confirmed by researchers at two separate universities. Until then it had been something that I had found at times vaguely amusing, other times embarrassing or awkward and sometimes somewhat unsettling.
I can’t recall very early examples of my experiences of this lesser spoken about neurodivergence, but I am certain they have added to my slight uneasiness in busier social environments.
Before my husband was my husband, or even my boyfriend, just the brother of a colleague, he walked up behind me in Richmond high street and terrified me, before I could work out who this man chatting away to me was. But even since we’ve been married and had two now grown up children, I can still struggle to recognise him if I come across him outside the home. Once when we were at a soft play centre with the children, I thought I was safe, as we went there together, so I knew that if I saw someone who looked like him, it would definitely be him. Wrong! As I sat watching my children, I saw my husband join the back of the burger bar queue. I thought it was a bit cheeky him getting himself something and not asking me and not something he would usually do. So I started to study this man’s face. I quickly worked out that there was a possibility that in fact, it could be his brother. We didn’t see him often, but it was feasible that it could be, but that just added to the problem. I started to study every aspect of this man’s face, but still could not come to a conclusion, and as I wasn’t sure, kept quiet and waited until he noticed me. It turns out it was his brother, but until he spoke, I could not have been sure! Incidentally I had worked with his brother for a few years in our early 20s, we sat next to each other every day in an office and socialised in the same group of friends. Another more recent occasion, we both went out at the same time for an early morning run. I don’t like to run with my husband, he’s far too competitive, so we set off around the village in opposite directions. In my defence, he usually did a different route, so when I saw a kindly looking old fella jogging towards me with a smile on his face, I thought, ‘I’ve not seen him out before.’ Then a second later, I noticed the top he was wearing was the same as the one I gave my husband and then he spoke, and I realised immediately that it was in fact my husband!
There are other more awkward and embarrassing situations. After a secondment in a senior leadership position at a local special school, a few months after leaving, a member of the office team who I had often chatted to at work, saw me in the supermarket and enthusiastically started greeting me, only for me to look extremely bemused. She was clearly very offended, said ‘You don’t remember me. Never mind!’ walking away without another word to my useless and unacknowledged apology. Whoops!
Thankfully I haven’t had too much trouble as a teacher in remembering pupils, they are in context and I have a brilliant memory, including for names, which is helpful. However, parents and other external professionals can be a challenge as are colleagues on occasion, if they have changed something like their hair style or colour. I would stand at the school door most days and where parents came to collect their children regularly, I could mostly learn who they were by distinguishing features although some would take longer than others; but with parents who only came occasionally, I would have to ask, ‘Who are you here to collect?’ Which would either draw a confused look as I might have regular meetings with them or on occasion, a laugh (without actually giving me the answer, so leaving me in a greater quandary), as they thought I was having a joke! Our receptionists always found it amusing when I would have to slip back indoors and ask them to go and peek out and let me know whose parent it was.
For all the funny stories though, it can be very disorientating and anxiety inducing. As I said, it is a lesser talked of neurodivergence and when I do try to explain, I’m faceblind, people tend to think I mean that I am not good with remembering names or laugh as they think it’s not real and that I’m cracking a joke.
I know people by their voice, or their vocalisations if non-speaking. Even if I haven’t seen someone for some years, I can often just hear their voice and know that it is them, before I see them. I also recognise many people by their gait. Unfortunately I sometimes rely on contextual cues which are less reliable, such as people from running club, I know by the kit they tend to wear – which is useless if I bump into them in a pub on a Saturday night, I’ve discovered. Another downside is that often I am fairly sure I know who the person in front of me is, but because of the previous negative experiences, I don’t always trust myself, so it’s times like that, I have to wait until I can get a clue that will confirm it and in the meantime it exacerbates my discomfort and awkwardness.
Now I know about my faceblindness, I do make a concerted effort to study people’s faces – hopefully not so obviously that they think I’m staring. However, if you would like to make life a little easier for me, usually I’m fine if you just start speaking and I can work it out by your voice who you are. If you drop into what you are saying, a clue such as, your child’s name, or a comment about the group I know you from or some other information that identifies our connection that too can help and if that still has me looking bemused, just tell me who you are. If you are expecting me, for a pre-arranged meeting and see me in the distance, wave, so long as it’s obviously me you’re waving at! Name labels can help (thanks to my colleagues who name tagged everyone at my leaving party!) and a good friend who knows you are prosopagnosic and knows to greet people immediately they approach you by name, is a huge benefit too.
Studies have shown that Prosopagnosia is common in autistic people and more so than the general population so it is possible that if you are autistic or you have an autistic family member, friend or student, they might be faceblind too. This is particularly worth knowing if you have an autistic child as there is less information around children and faceblindness and it can be hard to detect as well as children not being aware themselves.
Children may find it difficult to make friends and to remember a new person such as a peer or teacher until they have seen them many times. They may have difficulty participating in social activities. They may appear shy or have greater social anxiety. You can help by greeting people by name when in the child’s presence and using names in class regularly. Name labels or names on tables can also help. It may be helpful to teach children to notice features such as voice and gait rather than perhaps features such as hair, which can change, but also to take explicit note of a person’s individual facial features. www.prosopagnosiaresearch.org gives more information on supporting and recognising faceblindness in children.
Further information can also be found at http://faceblind.org.uk
I am a former Deputy Head of a special school, with lived experience of neurodivergence. I taught for 25 years in both mainstream and special schools and currently work as an independent Special Educational Needs Consultant and Specialist SPLD Assessor.
